Steamroller

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

The Final Countdown

It is 255 days until my 40th birthday.

Which is a mere 368,250 minutes.

I know this because I downloaded a “Final countdown” app.  (Which, I have to say; the word “final” sort of freaked me out a little.  Need it be so…you know…final?)  Anyway, contrary to the looming coundown, I really don’t have much of an issue with aging.  I mean, when I look back on my 20’s, I hang my head a little and think:  Oh thank GOD I've evolved since then.  And, when I look at my 30’s, I see so much growth that I get a little excited to see what further growth and challenges my 40’s have in store.  So, really, aging is no big thing to me.

Or so I thought.

And, then Samantha and I teamed up, deciding to rock the last year of our 30’s and prepare to explode into our 40’s. 

Great!

We decide to blog the journey.

Wonderful!

Samantha asks me to design a blog page for us. 

Sure!

And, then I did so.  And, well, look around at the results. 

Does it not seem the slightest bit…bleak?

I mean, I could have chosen background/images of fireworks, for example.  Fireworks would have been a lovely image to allude to our anticipated explosion into our 40’s.  Or, really, anything remotely celebratory seems as if it might have been in order for a woman who proclaims she has no issue with aging and is looking forward with pleasured anticipation to her 40's (me, not Samantha, she’s far more self-aware and knows damn well she’s not loving aging and plans to fight it every step of the way—stay tuned, it’ll be interesting to watch). 

But, no.  I choose a bleak, white landscape, and an image of a freaking steam roller.  Sure, Samantha suggested the steam roller but I could have found something that looked silly, tongue-in-cheek, funny, or even ironic.  But, no…I choose to arrange it like the grim effing reaper has taken to working construction (destruction?).   

This sends me to my journals to search for any entries where I might display any sort of tension with aging.  I mean, I JOKE a lot.  But, I’m not actually serious.

Right?

Then I come to an entry in early October of my 33rd year:  

“It’s this weird feeling of dread.  It’s out there.  I know that it is.  I can actually FEEL it.  Just waiting….waiting…rubbing its hands together in anticipation. 40 is like a mugger lurking in a dark alley, hungry to steal my youth.”

Tension?  Umm...yeah--more like horror movie terror.

Yep.  I wrote that.  At the ripe old age of 33.

And, now?  I’m IN that alley, my people.  I’m looking straight into the eyes of that mugger. 

And, apparently, he drives a steam roller.

God help us all.


(368,212 minutes left)

Saturday, September 20, 2014

About Face

I love cosmetics.  Love, love love them, which is an odd thing to say, because I hardly wear any.  I own more than any woman probably should.. and I attribute that to the fact that on occasion (halloween, and many of the theme parties of my fancy free days)  I will bust out some blue eyeshadow, or some really funky red lipstick, to fit the theme or the costume, but the truth is, aside from a little dab of tinted moisturizer, and some good mascara and lip gloss, the rest seems like a gigantic bother, and we've all seen the ladies about town who wear so much eyeshadow that they look like clowns, or the ones with the foundation line down their jaws.. um yeah - not attractive.

Recently on my journey to confronting 40, I cleaned out my makeup baskets, and threw away close to 25 different colors of eye shadow, and I think nearly as many shades of lipstick, and random other things.  I laughed when I came across a bottle of foundation... I think in my entire lifetime, I can count the number of times I've worn foundation on both hands, and still have several fingers to spare. Another rare thing for me, is to wash my face with anything besides water and a washcloth...yes, crazy I know, but I do indulge in good face cream, moisturizer, and any other damn lotion or potion I can get my hands on, in hopes of a miracle

When I turned 35, I took a good hard look in the mirror, I saw some fine lines starting. At the time, I had just begun receiving Birchbox, and made my preferences anything and everything skin care.  For the next 3+ years, I tried anything and everything they've sent me.  The products have run the gammut from ungodly expensive, to drug store quality, and from do nothing, to "I look like a goddess after one use".  The experimenting has been fun, and informative, and has taught me to do a lot of research and figure out what truely is 'good' and what is all hype.

I think I mentioned in my last blog, I was going to give Kiehl's a whirl, and I have ordered what is 6 month worth of their product line to arrive this week. as everything I've had thus far from them has been Ah Mazing.  Today I added to that purchase Benefit mascara (the only one I can find that doesn't flake into my eyeballs and drive me batty, or look like something that a kardashian would sport)  and Fresh Sugar Rose liptint (it's really worth the $20+ bucks a tube, lasts forever, and makes your lips feel incredible.)  Why not go for quality over quantity right?

and so, on the eve of another gigantic hurdle towards 40,  I have found peace with myself and my skin care, so that I can continue to confront 40 every step of the way.

Now... onto my closet!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             



Saturday, September 13, 2014

The List maker.

I am one week away from commencing my final year in my 30's.  Needless to say, I have a lot on my mind. I don't know if you would call it a full on freak out - as I am reserving that for *next year*  but I have been doing a lot of outside looking in at myself in the recent month.

Much of that looking in has resulted in some list making... I am a list maker. At any given time, I have a To Do list, a grocery list, a 'buy stuff' list, a 'want' list, and I've recently added what I call my 'long term list.'

**Note, I refuse to refer to it as a bucket list, because I a sort of  supersticious and figure if I check it all off, I may kick the bucket..**

There aren't any hard and fast rules to my list, except that what ever it is on the list, has to be something that takes longer than a couple hours to accomplish.    I should also mention, that while there are things on there that I realize I can't possibly complete before 40 (ex. law school) don't think for a second that I'm not subsconciously trying to cross off as many of these before the big 4 0 tolls.

So without further fanfare I give you what I have thus far

Career:
Graduate Law School (with Honors)
Pass Calilfornia Bar
Pass Minnesota Bar
Find my niche

Health and Wellness:
Drop 25lbs (I'm down 16 ish since August 18th!)
Use my gym membership regularly, and by *use* I mean 4-5 x's a week.  (So far I'm up to 3)
Run a 1/2 marathon without walking
Maintain an 8 minute mile for at least a 5K, and not just a mile or two.

Random:
Go to a Crimson Tide Football homegame
Travel to Greece (This is going to be my goal for my waiting period between taking the bar, and finding out if I passed)
Cook a goose

House and Home:
Buy a new home. (Then really make it 'ours', i.e. throw out 99% of our furniture, and stuff, and start fresh.  I haven't flushed this one out much except to know that I really NEED a home office, and a place for all my papers. (I've recently realized that having 'important documents' is a sign that you may be middle aged, and as much as I dread that, I've come to terms with the fact that it's par for the course.)

Wardrobe & Self
This is it's own catagory as it's more vanity related rather than health related.
1) finally throw out some of the clothes that I've had since I was 18 (yes, a few still fit!) and/or pack the up into the attic once and for all.
2) Toss all the trendy makeup that i've bought, and worn once.. There really isn't ever a good excuse to 'need' 5 containers of blue, green and purple eyeshadows... ditto on the 40+ types of lip gloss.
3) Refine my wardrobe.  I've recently accepted the fact that I enjoy wearing classic staples, with a punch of trendy, and shun things some consider in fashion (lace in all of it's cheap, god awful renditions on the majority of women's fashion today) But do I really need 50+ t-shirts?  I'm starting to think not.
4) Stick with a skin care routine for at least 6 months rather than bouncing around.  I was a big birchbox fan until I recently opened a drawer and realized I had about a years worth of beauty supplies that i've never even tried.  I like the Keihls stuff, so I'm going to give it a go.

People
I have realized that some people are toxic.  Some of these toxic people I don't have a way to rid completely (those of you who know me, know exactly who I am referring to) but I do have a say in how much their negativity affects me, and by drawing boundaries with them - I am free to live my life how I see fit, and not let their tornado affect me deeply.

I've also realized that there are other people, who I really just don't like. and contrary to my younger self motto of 'you can never have too many friends!' I've decided that yes, infact you can, and those who aren't nice people can be taken off the friend list.

And I suppose the #1 thing that I am working on doing better in the coming year, is planning for my future, and of course battling gravity every step of the way!